Love is G-R-E-A-T!

Well it isn't...it hurts like hell.
Don't get me wrong,i know there's a number of positive things about Love...right now I'm struggling to remember when it felt good.
I thought that maybe i set the bar too high,expected too much.
"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction." - I guess that's too much to ask for!!

Would you stay with someone,knowing there's someone else out there that would treat you 100 better, just cause you love them??

I'm not a materialistic woman,I'm not needy when it comes to material shit..but i make up for that in affection.
I need that...i need more than just words...more than just promises...

They say "The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open" and in my pursuit of happiness,happiness with him,i took that risk...and now I'm hurting!

Pain in inevitable...but suffering is possible.
I guess what I'm hoping for is to not end up being the kind of person that doesn't realize they've been cut until they start bleeding.

Oooooh the guilt!!

I feel bad...i'm not sure how bad..but it's gotta be somewhere between bad enough to be spanked or bad enough to be looked down at...take your pick!
I haven't blogged on here in a long long time and i don't like it.

Past few weeks have been more than hectic...whether it was college or more personal stuff...lots of ups and downs...

Meh...updates,updates...yeah i've been putting on weight like crazy...6 days a week of college doesn't give you time to do shit...

so yeah this post was pretty random...family guy started mid-way through me writing this so i kinda can't focus on the......

Today was BAD!!

and i don't mean that in a good way...
I woke up so late that i missed the 10:30 bus so i ended up taking a cab to college,20 pounds..thats money well spent-ugh! [i live an hour away from college]

Of course i missed my first lecture,so i spent a while sitting with my friends at college..and M.F.G wasn't even there to cheer me up!!

New thing i noticed is that everyone is in a relationship all of a fuckin sudden...what's up with that?!
Not that there's anything wrong with being in a relationship...it's just that it almost feels like a trend that everybody's gotta follow now!
But you know me...im UNIQUE! [& emotionally retarded..]


So yeah i'm just sitting here waiting or hoping that M.F.G gets online or somethin...

Not feelin' well at all...

Yeah.
Last night was just terrible.
Which was kinda weird cause the day started off great,i went to college,attended my classes and spent the rest of the college day joking around with my friends and i got to hang out with "My Favorite Guy"....funny how the day just took a turn like that,straight to the shitter!

Anyway,so after college me and "My Favorite Guy" (who i will be referring to as MFG from now on,i dont wanna have to write "My Favorite Guy" over and over again) said we would hang out later and what not.
I didn't really wait for his call,i just left the house,tried callin him but his cell was off,so i just decided ill go sit somewhere till i hear from him...
Now get this...ON MY WAY to the mall,this fucker just walks insanely close to me and tries GRABBING MY ASS!!!!

Normally...im a very mellow person...but im quite the bitch when im mad.
But when that guy just goes for my ass like that,i fuckin froze....i didn't know what to think,i didn't know what to say,all i could manage to do is....i can't even remember...all i know is that i did something or moved in a way that blocked his hand from actually touching my ass.

What pisses me off is that i wasn't even like dressed to impress or anything,not saying that if a girl dresses in a certain way it makes it okay for random men on the street to start grabbing her,it's just that it was totally unexpected,i was just walking down the street,wondering where "MFG" is and them outta nowhere.....

I'd start talking about how things are with me and "MFG" but i got noooo fuckin idea!!

Now i think i'll just go eat somethin or go bk to bed.....we'll see.

Quick Update!!

Well the high light of the week is my baby sister coming to the world!!
Yes sirrrr,on the 17th,baby girl Jenna was born.
Cute lil thing weighing almost 8 pounds...sadly though they are gonna keep her under observation at the hospital for a while...i can't wait till she comes home!!


As for college..i still can't tell really,alot of my classes got canceled this week and the ones that i did get to attend were all introductory classes....B-O-R-I-N-G!

He just knows how to make me smile...

...and actually mean it.
You know,not like one of those smiles you give to strangers that cross your path,not like when you smile cause you wanna be nice when someone says something funny or not so funny really.
Even the duration of the smile lasts longer...today i caught myself smiling at something he said two days ago,only cause so many things remind me of him...and i got a love-hate relationship with that fact...i love it cause it feels so damn good but i also hate it cause i'm terrified i'm gonna end up falling in love with him....
I can't fall in love with him, i really shouldn't...
Love scares me.
And i'm more scared cause i don't wanna lose him to love...we got a great thing going on,i mean we are two friends that enjoy each others company and share some physical intimacy when we feel like it...and boy does the physical intimacy feel good!! :)

This whole thing is driving me crazy,and i mean that in the best way possible.
I think about all this and find myself laughing at myself...even i didn't see this happening to me.
I honestly would've never thought that a man can make me feel that way...especially not when i'm not expecting it like that.
I mean i was attracted to him the first day i saw him,but that's nothing new...i've always been a woman to Lust,never really a woman that would Love,or even like a man enough to let my guard down like that.

(I look at the T.v for a second and now i have no idea where i was going with this!)
Long story short....
"Heart,Prepare to be shattered!"

What a Tease!!

I don't know about you,but i think that when it comes to Dita Von Teese,words don't do shit!
I don't say this about too many women,but if i were a man and had to talk to Dita,i'd be confused...do i do my man thing and totally talk to her boobs or do i look at her face while talking to her?!
Anywho...being this hot should be illegal or something...I'm just saying...